This is your life...are you who you want to be?

We've been doing a lot of listening to Switchfoot in our car lately. And this phrase strikes me every time.

This is your life..are you who you want to be?


More often than not I feel like my answer is very far from an enthusiastic "yes", but more like an embarrassed "no."

Today, I am sunk in a puddle of guilty motherhood and my answer to this question is more like, "NO!"

The question that arises in me then, is: If I'm not who I want to be, then what do I need to do to change that?

The things that stick out to me like a sore thumb:

I'm often impatient with my kids. I have a really hard time "managing" things and get frustrated that my kids are constantly interrupting any plans I may have. I don't do well with constant neediness, tantrums, screaming, and sibling fights.

I wallow in self pity sometimes, especially when I feel devoid of friends and lonely in my days of staying at home. I want to be popular...like maybe have my phone ring sometimes. :) But, I don't want to base my self worth on whether or not I have friends asking me to do something, or how many comments I have on my blog etc...

I don't spend enough time being still and listening for God's voice. And then somehow I still have high expectations to hear it. I feel like I am overpowering His still small voice with my constant asking for grace and help in my day to day. I want to be more at rest.

I want to be someone who finds complete satisfaction in my relationship with Jesus. I want all else to fade away. Yes, I would love more friends and maybe quieter and more well-behaved children, but that should not be my sole focus.

I guess it is about needing to find that place where I know that I can meet with God. To become who I am supposed to be with His goals and plans and to find that I am who I want to be because I am honoring Him.