Away in a Manger

Aidan piled the nativity pieces on Nora the other night. See how she is "holding" baby Jesus? Aidan was thrilled about that. Then, he got his bible out and read the story to her....silently.

Thanksgiving 2010

Thanksgiving was a little different for us this year. This was the very first year we spent our Thanksgiving in South Carolina and away from family. It turned out to be quite a good day for us all. We had gingerbread pancakes for breakfast and watched the Macy's Parade on our laptop. Aidan really enjoyed watching the parade and spent most of the morning lying on the table as I cooked dinner. We went for a nice walk in the gorgeous weather and picked pine cones and leaves and played at the park. After we got back, I finished preparing our food and we sat down to eat.

I was a little overwhelmed at the idea of cooking a turkey because I had never done so, but it turned out decent enough. I also made homemade stuffing with cranberries and apples, roasted apples and sweet potatoes with honey glaze, homemade rolls, creamy mashed potatoes, green beans, homemade gravy, and a pumpkin spice cake for dessert. It was all delicious and I made so much food we are going to be eating leftovers for a good while. Aidan pretty much went with tradition and devoured a roll...and did not want anything else.

We were supposed to go to some new friend's house for dessert, but their daughter was running a fever, so we had a change of plans and stayed home. (Aidan randomly woke with a fever in the night as well, but was fine by morning)We were able to Skype with all our family and then we just spent time with the kids. Aidan really wanted to hold Nora and spent a good while holding her and talking to her on the couch. (He also tried to nurse her, but that is a story for another day. Ha!)

So thankful for my sweet kids!

What??? You don't wear your headband like this? It's the newest style....

Just go with it...

I really wanted the car today...

Just did not feel like being cooped up in the house with the kids when the forecast was calling for 80 degree weather...but I also didn't want to drive Seth to work and then pick him up later either. It always seems like a lose-lose situation.

And, to be honest, I had a bad attitude about it.

Thankfully, my mom read books to Aidan over skype and I was able to pick up around the apartment a little, making my mood a little less negative.

Decided we would walk to the mall and Aidan could play in the kid's play area. The mall is a pretty decent trek...taking about 30 minutes to get there. We set off and arrived nice and sweaty a little while later with one very awake little baby and one very active little boy. Aidan played, Nora settled down and went to sleep. All of a sudden I was starving and needed food. Aidan agreed to go on a food hunt and we ordered some Chick-fil-a for lunch. I imagined we would scarf down the food and make the walk back with Nora still napping. She woke up...and was fine, but I knew that she wouldn't make it the whole way back without wanting to eat. Aidan started demanding more food and I noticed his knees (no clue how this happened) were covered in ketchup. Wonderful! Wiped him off and got him an ice cream cone. Let him dribble it all over himself while I nursed Nora in the busy food court. Writing that sentence makes me laugh because it sounds like a simple thing, but it was really kinda ridiculous and complicated. I think people look at me like I am nuts or something because my child is drowning in ice cream and ketchup and I am exposing half my midriff while trying to nurse a kicking squirming suddenly starving baby. Just go with it...that's all I tell myself these days. It is what it is and it's just the way life is gonna be.

Needless to say, we were messy, tired, and plain wore out when we arrived home nearly 3 hours after we left.

Peaceful

The things that most consume us

As mothers, I think it is so easy to often get caught up on a specific issue that we are having with a child, whether it bet potty training, sleeping, eating, tantrums etc...

It's hard to figure out what is "best" for each child. Aidan's needs as a baby were so different from Nora's and I find that I am having to learn new strategies all the time.

So, I've always embraced the philosophy of letting the child go to sleep on their own, to even cry it out some if that is what it takes. There was no rocking or nursing Aidan to sleep...and really, it was quite easy to decide that with him because he didn't nurse and he hated to be rocked or cuddled to sleep. Nora is a totally different story. She loves to cuddle and rock and sleep in your arms. She also sleeps in the car seat, her bed, and my bed quite easily as well. She seems pretty flexible to be put down awake during the day and only fusses or cries momentarily. However, nighttime is totally different. For some reason we don't have bedtime figured out at all. I don't want to nurse her to sleep because I don't want to be tied down to her, but it is the simple thing to do. She just does not like to put herself to sleep at night very much. She has successfully gone to bed a few nights alone, but she gives us more of a fight and her pitiful crying usually calls us to her rescue. We rock, shush, pat and sometimes I nurse her. She is immediately comforted by these measures and so sweetly nestles against us that it kills me to let her cry.

So, what do you mothers do to help your babies sleep? Is it going to be bad news down the road if I nurse her or rock her? I need some good mommy advice please.

Nora: 10 weeks old

Nora loves her playmat and she goes crazy kicking her legs and talking up a storm. Oh and my latest crafts...clips for her headbands (I recently discovered making felt flowers)...she has crazy hair that sticks straight up so the headbands bring out her feminine side. :) I would post more pics of Aidan, but he's kind going through a phase where he refuses to let you take his picture. Enjoy the sweetness. She really is super precious....

What a privilege to have you as mine...

My little Nora girl is 10 weeks old today and my big boy is going to be 3 in about 4 1/2 months.

Sometimes I wonder how I even got to this place. One little one calling me Mommy and one sweet baby smiling adoringly at me, holding tight to my shirt as she nurses, cuddling against me to find comfort. These children have kept me from sleeping, from taking care of my most basic needs this week, but I have still found moments to relish the sweetness of being their mother. It is hard to look at my day when it is often laced with negative moments that I wish I could block out...but the sweetness I feel in such fleeting moments causes my heart to swell with wonder and appreciation for the blessings that God has placed in my life.

As I write this, little N is sitting here beside me, smiling and chilling, just content to be next to me in her Boppy pillow. As I reach and touch her tiny fingers, she pauses and looks into my eyes. She knows I am touching her, reaching out to her.

Seth is reading to Aidan in his bedroom. I hear their voices over the music playing in the background. On nights like these, after the exhaustion of a long day is coming to an end, I find respite in the loveliness of these sweet moments we can share.

I won't lie. Being isolated and cooped up with the kids is hard. I have tried so hard to face my day without complaining, with resting on the Lord and coming to Him when my heart is troubled (which seems to be quite often). Moving has been really hard. I haven't had much in friendly consolation, but I have been able to see how the Lord lets me notice these "little things" more often. Because here, we just have each other and we need to love each other in order to make this work. So instead of fretting with a heavy heart, I lift my eyes towards heaven with thankfulness on my lips. I am weary, but He is strong. I am lonely, but He is a friend. 

These blessings I have because of His goodness.

Siblings

This is so sweet and terrifying all at the same time. As much as Aidan loves Nora sometimes, he can turn on her (literally) in a second. He really does dote on her though.

Resemblance?

My sweet babies at 2 months old...can you tell they are related?

Children's Museum

Last week we went to the Edventure Children's Museum in Columbia for a special free family night. Aidan had a blast! His favorite things were: dressing up like a fireman and driving the truck, "shopping" at the Piggly Wiggly, and playing drums in the Africa exhibit. He asked to go back the next morning and still wonders where his fireman jacket and boots are. It was really crowded because it was free that night so I hope to go back with him again on a regular day. It is a perfect outlet for this little guy's energy.

2 months

My dear sweet Nora,

You are a dream. Literally. I am so enjoying your presence in our lives and you make every day sweeter with your little smiles and coos. I have so enjoyed seeing you grow this past month and can't believe how much your little personality is emerging already. You love to cuddle and I love to hold you. You definitely know your Mommy and sometimes I am the only one that you want. I admit, I just eat it up. You are a good sleeper and you have developed your own little routine. You sleep off and on in the morning, somewhat unpredictably, but that's okay because we are often on the go and you are interrupted from napping. However, you sleep the entire afternoon...and I am not kidding. Like 5 hours. I have to wake you to eat and you go right back to sleep until you are rested. Diaper changes will not even wake you sometimes (as seen above).

You spend most of your evening awake and talkative. Then it is off to bed around 8:30-9 (you were staying up until 11 most nights until about 8 weeks old). You slept your longest stretch ever last night-almost 9.5 hours. This makes Mommy very happy because I know you will be sleeping the entire night soon. You still laugh (like really hard) in your sleep and it cracks me up every time. Aidan never did that, so it is something all your own. I like to think that your happiness extends into your dreams.

You are truly a "light" and you bring sweet "rythmn" to our lives. You love watching Aidan and he in turn loves to smother you with kisses. You tolerate his somewhat rough affection very well and I'm sure you will continue to enjoy each other as time passes. You sleep though all his drumming, screaming, singing, and the like. I am amazed. You are a chubby little one and I can't believe how quickly you have grown. You have been wearing size 2 diapers for almost 2 weeks now and you are in mostly 3 month, some 3-6 month clothes already. You can still wear some newborn pants because your legs haven't quite caught up with your torso yet. :) We take you in for your 2 month checkup next Tuesday, so it will be interesting to see what percentiles you are in.

I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you and how much more fun you will be as you grow up. I already miss your little newborn tiny-ness, but I am loving the smiles you give me each day.

You are precious to me and bring me such comfort these days as I adjust to a new environment and life away from family.

Love, Mommy

Magic

I found something to keep Aidan still and silent. He loves listening to music on my iPod shuffle. I had Seth put some Veggie Tales and Coldplay (interesting mix I know) on there and Aidan literally sat in a chair for an hour listening to music. He was very unhappy about me taking a picture of him though if you can't tell from the look on his face. He kept saying, "Don't take my picture, Mom!"

Thank you...

for all the kind words and encouragement.

Monday was rough. The wonderful words written in response to my struggles uplifted my spirit in so many ways. It is wonderful to feel supported and cared about in the midst of the trials and joys of motherhood. Thank you all for your prayers and for reaching out to me when I needed it most.

It is hard adjusting to a new place and new routine and I know that I'm not the only one in our home trying to figure it out. Going from 1 to 2 kids has actually not been super difficult for me because I had Oakley for almost a year and was really adjusted to the extra work it takes. And Nora, well Nora is an absolute sweetheart. She has her moments, but she is the exact opposite of Aidan as a baby. Hallelujah, praise Jesus! She is just what I prayed for and every way a comfort to my days. Aidan is sweet and hilarious in his own ways, but has reached a peak of naughtiness that I didn't even know was possible. It is the emotional part that is hardest for me. I just get so easily drained by his determination to tear me down.

The past two days have gone relatively well...and the key is that we've spent both mornings out running errands. While it is exhausting to run around with 2 little ones, I find it so much easier (sanity-speaking) to be out and about than cooped up inside. Aidan loves perusing the toy aisles of Target and is a happy companion on most leisurely shopping trips. Today we spent a long time at the library. And Nora, sweet Nora, is most of the time happy and content to just go with the flow. She doesn't sleep much in the mornings...napping off and on, and eating about every 2.5-3 hours. She fusses some, but is easily contented. I am so blessed.

Things are not easy, but I don't expect them to be for a very long time. :) I just know that God gives me strength for each day and I can rely on Him to be all that need in these moments. And He brings me joy through my children when I least expect it.

While at the mall play area yesterday morning, Aidan stood up on the side of this little kiddie boat and loudly announced to all the other kids, "Let's sing together." He then proceeded to clap his hands and act as if he was directing a choir. His choice of song.... "God is good" he sang. And, at that point, I felt His goodness too.

Running on Empty

That's me alright.

Things have just gotten to be almost too much. I am trying to pray through it all, to rely on the Lord, and be positive, but I just hate feeling like I am literally 2 seconds away from breaking down. I hate to blog about this too, but I want to look at it for what it is...to accept the situation and hope to learn from it.

It's hard moving miles and miles away from home and family to a smaller apartment, having only one car for transportation, the stress of a house back at home to pay for, and the ever growing difficulty with Aidan. I am thankful for so much and realize how "rich" I am compared to so many. Yet, I have really struggled these past 2 weeks.

There is a whole lot of financial strain with the house in Kansas and it causes a lot of stress in our household. Then there is figuring out the car situation. If I want the freedom to get out and about (which is almost mandatory with Aidan) then I have to take Seth to work and he has to get a ride home, or he has to get a ride to work. It's just an extra pain....kinda like the fact that our dishwasher doesn't work and they are ordering us a new one, but don't know when it will come. :)

I think the thing that really does me in more than anything is hearing Aidan say he would rather make me mad than love me. Seeing him do deliberate disobedient and downright mean things and then thinking it funny when it hurts me (both emotionally and physically) is so depressing. I am constantly praying for patience and wisdom, but I lose it so many times with him. As I put him down for a nap today, he kept telling me to cry. It is like he loves the idea of seeing me sad and hurt by his actions. I have spanked him and sent him to timeout so many times it seems like that is all we can do in a day. He is destructive, pushing chairs and his highchair over, throwing things, yelling, fussing, whining, pushing me, talking back, throwing fits, climbing on things, pulling things apart...and I can't seem to stand it anymore. I am starting to feel like a candidate for one of those Nanny 911 shows, expect for the fact that I am trying really hard to deal with him patiently and lovingly, and giving him consequences for his actions. I really have been wanting to send him to preschool a couple days a week, but with things like they are with our house and finances, it just doesn't seem possible. I feel like his bad behavior is ruling the house and ruining our days. I can't do anything besides keep tabs on him and deal with him, but I have another baby to take care of and a household to clean. He won't play by himself at all and I sit and play with him, or read to him, but the minute I put my attention to anything else, he starts going crazy. I seriously don't know what the answer is anymore. Just prayer and love, I guess. I have been trying so hard to be a good mom to him that it kills me to see how much he wants to destroy me instead of respond to me. I guess today just made me sad because once I got Nora down for a nap this morning, I sat and played Legos with him for like 45 minutes and then read to him for 30 minutes. Then, when I made a quick phone call to set up an appointment with a new pediatrician, he started pushing things over and yelling so loudly, I couldn't even hear the lady talking to me. What is a mother to do?

Well, that's that. This is what consumes me right now.

Nora: 8 weeks old

Toaster Mishap

We got rid of our old toaster oven before moving because it wasn't working right. We bought a bottom of the line one at Wal-mart the other day. I am now in the business of decorating toaster ovens....with melted plastic bags. Lovely, isn't it?

South Carolina

Pictures from my new walking path. This little path leads around a gorgeous lake and the path starts right outside our apartment building in "Papi's woods" as Aidan calls them. It is really a beautiful walk and there is a great little play area for Aidan along the way. The only thing keeping us from going on walks constantly is the huge hassle it is to get the double stroller out, down the stairs (we are on the 2nd floor), and the kids strapped in. Then it is a nice repeat of getting kids inside, lugging the stroller up the stairs, and putting away when we are through.

On Motherhood

Yesterday, Aidan wanted to "help" me give Nora a bath. He ended up pouring tons of water on her which she tolerated quite well. I think she puts up with a lot from him, which is good, because it will probably be that way for most of her life. :)

I've had two very busy days of cleaning up blowout diapers (from both children) and projectile spit-up. There are still boxes needing to be dealt with and clutter that needs to find a place. Aidan is thrilled that he can now reach almost every light switch and open every door. I am exhausted. Nora has decided to stay up and party after her 10:30pm feeding and I haven't made it to bed before midnight. Then, there is the middle of the night feeding around 4ish and I can't seem to get back to sleep after that. Seth's alarm went off at 6am and I felt like I had barely slept. Headaches and tiredness do not help me be gracious towards my children either. Yesterday, I was able to grit my teeth and deal with things peacefully....today, I have wanted to hide under a barrel and wait til my frustration subsides. No can do. I feel guilty for letting Aidan watch Robin Hood for the second half of this morning and lunchtime (he is doing so as I speak). Nora would not nap for some reason and wanted to fuss and cry about it all morning. Aidan was dumping things out, pushing things over, and being downright naughty and emotional because of the attention I was giving her. I lost it a couple of times with him and decided that some days are just meant for sitting in front of the tv. Nora is finally sleeping. I don't understand how she can scream until she is red in the face and then fall asleep within 5 seconds (no joke) of me picking her up.....like dead asleep. I don't get it.

So, on top of all this tiredness and craziness...and being cooped up in our aparement with nowhere to go, I left the kids alone for like one minute this morning so I could get dressed for the day. Nora was playing on her playmat and Aidan was busy with a toy, so I ran into my bedroom, left the door open and threw on some clothes. When I came out. Aidan was on the floor with Nora on his lap. She wasn't crying, just looking around. I didn't even want to imagine how he managed that. Before I could come to her rescue, Aidan pulled his shirt up and pulled her to him as if to nurse her. He seriously thought he could feed her. I guess she wasn't injured in any way, but I felt like a horrible mother for leaving them and thinking that they would be fine. At least he wasn't sitting on her or something like that, but trying to take care of her needs.

Well, I need to go and get my child to bed. Oh, the guilt, oh the joy, oh the frustration, oh the weariness, oh the reward....of motherhood.