As mothers, I think it is so easy to often get caught up on a specific issue that we are having with a child, whether it bet potty training, sleeping, eating, tantrums etc...
It's hard to figure out what is "best" for each child. Aidan's needs as a baby were so different from Nora's and I find that I am having to learn new strategies all the time.
So, I've always embraced the philosophy of letting the child go to sleep on their own, to even cry it out some if that is what it takes. There was no rocking or nursing Aidan to sleep...and really, it was quite easy to decide that with him because he didn't nurse and he hated to be rocked or cuddled to sleep. Nora is a totally different story. She loves to cuddle and rock and sleep in your arms. She also sleeps in the car seat, her bed, and my bed quite easily as well. She seems pretty flexible to be put down awake during the day and only fusses or cries momentarily. However, nighttime is totally different. For some reason we don't have bedtime figured out at all. I don't want to nurse her to sleep because I don't want to be tied down to her, but it is the simple thing to do. She just does not like to put herself to sleep at night very much. She has successfully gone to bed a few nights alone, but she gives us more of a fight and her pitiful crying usually calls us to her rescue. We rock, shush, pat and sometimes I nurse her. She is immediately comforted by these measures and so sweetly nestles against us that it kills me to let her cry.
So, what do you mothers do to help your babies sleep? Is it going to be bad news down the road if I nurse her or rock her? I need some good mommy advice please.
We have never done the cry it out method, just because we didn't feel like it was the right thing for our family. When a infant is crying, I feel like they need something, even if they need comfort. Our babies sleep in their own beds, and sleep well. Until recently, I have nursed Lainey to sleep. As she gets older, I will nurse her (or Seth will give her a bottle with breastmilk) before bed, and then we will do the things you mentioned above (rock, pat, etc.) to help her go to sleep. The older she gets, the less of that she will need to go to sleep on her own. As you know from having an older child, the window of time that a baby is 'little' is so short...I feel like 'comforting them to sleep' is a good thing until they get older! Hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any advice for you, but we're in the same boat! (besides the fact that you also have a 2 year old!) Caleb doesn't really like to sleep from 8 til midnight most nights and wakes up several times to eat! It really cuts down on his sleep. If you figure anything out, please share!
ReplyDeleteI fought with the idea of nursing Oliver to sleep until I started to hear from experienced moms that it was not a bad solution for some babies. I was stressed and exhausted and nothing else seemed to soothe him. So I decided to just relax and nurse on a less strict schedule. It became a lifesaver for us. Oliver started sleeping better and so did I. We did that until I weaned him at 1 year and he started handling bedtime really well. I want to encourage you to just feel this out with Nora instead of thinking about contemporary "rules." Benjamin is completely different than Oliver and falls asleep with just a pacifier. There's no one way, that's for sure!
ReplyDeletewell everyone is different. if it bugs you to nurse a baby to sleep, and you think it will effect your sanity(ha, it did for me)...then pursue parent-directed sleeptimes.
ReplyDeletei let both my kids cry it out for one or 2 nights and they quickly got it down after that! i think although babies sometimes want more comfort, it may not necessarily outweigh the mothers need to stay sane and have a routine. so i went with parent directed sleep and my kids have always slept in their own beds, through the night, starting at 8 weeks.
i understand i will totally offend people by saying some of those things, but my kids are not scarred for life, nor are they abused because they had to cry it out a couple nights. but also, do what you feel comfortable doing. if you don't want to nurse her to sleep because you feel like other moms think it's wrong or something, that's not a good reason! :)
No advice here. Considering my last child has been a total nightmare. Ha! He's evening out a bit. ANYWAY....I'm praying for you Krista. I think God actually cares about this stuff and He will give you wisdom with Nora and what is best for both of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts. Nora is so super easy that I don't know why I even worry about it. I guess I just don't want to feel controlled by her need for me. Like, for instance, I am going out to coffee with another mom I met here and will be leaving Nora around bedtime. She can have milk from a bottle, but that doesn't put her to sleep. But, I also know that if she doesn't want to sleep until I am home to nurse her, she will either give in and fall asleep or just stay awake and talk and play until I come home. Aidan was like clockwork for me...he needed something at a specific time. He was not flexible with eating or sleeping at a different time than his schedule. I was constantly having to figure out that perfect routine for him. Nora may nap all day or have a few naps...she is happy to be awake though and I realize that her waking up earlier than I expected does not make me panic like I did with Aidan. He woke with inconsolable screams, she wakes with a sweet smile on her face. Oh, and the past 2 nights she has slept about 9 hours straight at night. I will start getting some good sleep soon, once I figure out how to stay comfortable without nursing as often and stop waking up out of habit.
ReplyDeleteOh, and Jami...we let Aidan cry it out from early on and he was excellent at putting himself to sleep. The one difference with Nora is that she usually cries for a reason (needs to burp, has gas, not tired)...while Aidan just cried all the time just because. I just don't have it in me to let her cry it out for longer than 5 minutes right now. She just put herself to sleep for her nap....and she cried a little and then I went in and patted her for a second and she settled down and went to sleep.