Call it what you may...third trimester stress, preschool aged children, endless household projects, and all around busy-ness...but I've been in a cycle of little control, lots of stress, and overall disorganization.
The funny thing in all of this is that I am desperately trying to get organized. I make lists, I conquer, I clean all day, and then there is just more to do. And more. It doesn't stop. And sometimes I feel like having lists only makes it more overwhelming.
My kids are needy. Aren't they all? But wait, my kids are more needy than yours. :) We're going through this stage of stretching as my oldest is muddling through understanding boundaries, respecting authority, and practicing kindness to his sister. While on the other hand, the littlest one is pushing for independence, tantrum perfecting, and very much wanting her way. I find that most days I feel like sitting on the floor and crying. Instead, I am trying very hard to manage them while feeling very much so like I am failing.
And then there is the belly. This huge belly that gets in the way of things and feels uncomfortable. I want to be me again. My body. And yet there is a wonderful beautiful child in there that I have spent less time marveling over than I should. Where, oh, where is my grateful heart?
The fact is, most of my problems come down to not spending enough time with Jesus. You see...everybody needs me ALL THE TIME. I hit the ground running and I feel bedraggled and worn out. I have this list too. This unending list of things to do...oh, and God did you hear that child screaming just now? I am full of excuses and unable to clear my mind for a moment to hear Him.
So, after another long week of doing it myself and feeling forlorn I opened up a devotional and read this.
"Bring me your mind for rest and renewal. Let me infuse My Presence into your thoughts. As your mind stops racing, your body relaxes and you regain awareness of Me. This awareness is vital to your spiritual well-being; it is your lifeline, spiritually speaking....This was part of my original design for mankind. Adam and Eve used to walk with me in the garden, before their expulsion from Eden. I want you to walk with Me in the garden of your heart, where I have taken up permanent residence."
Be still my heart.
I love the way that the Lord speaks in different ways.
Interestingly this spoke to my needs better than I even understood them. I have said several times in the last couple of weeks that I just feel like my mind is muddled, like I'm trudging through murky waters and I can't seem to get it together, that even reading my Bible seems like a disjointed exercise. I very much want to be engaging my mind and receiving from the Lord, but I really need to clean out my mind. I need to seek renewal.
Renew me oh God.
I know that I won't be clicking my heels and finding a checked off list and a sparkling clean house any time soon, but my desire is that my heart's desire would be more to soak in His Presence, to "walk with [Him] in the garden of [my] heart" and not try to fix the world's (or at least my own little world's) problems.
Oh let it be.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Too Many Things and Too Little Time
I keep finding my list of "to-do's" getting longer and my time to do them getting shorter and shorter. I don't know why I'm always inspired to do a lot of projects while entering the last few weeks of pregnancy, but so be it.
So, I'm 30 weeks+ pregnant now (picture taken a week ago).
And, apparently, the whole world thinks this baby is coming any day and wants to tell me about it. :)
As far as pregnancy goes, I've had more rough weeks than smooth ones, but (knock on wood) things have been going pretty well the last week. I am having more energy (thanks to extra iron), my heart palpitations that were consistent for about 2 weeks are gone, the baby has moved from her nice little spot on my cervix (PRAISE JESUS!), and I am still sleeping somewhat. Now, bending over, picking up children, and chasing 2.5 year olds are not among my favorite activities, but I can't complain too much. I've been walking at least 4 times a week for about 45 minutes and that has really helped out my overall energy.
The kids are keeping me busy as ever. Our backyard is the hub of the neighborhood and we often have a crowd of kids in and out all evening. Our kids are loving the nice weather for playing outside and I am very grateful for our house and fenced in yard (also our swing set and trampoline).
We are trying to get some bedrooms painted and organization of our office accomplished before the baby arrives. I feel like I'm in constant "project mode", but love the feeling of checking things off my list. I don't think I've ever been quite as prepared for a baby before (not there yet, but where I plan to be by the time she arrives). Nora's arrival was in the middle of packing to move across the country, so things were in absolute disarray and chaotic for those first few weeks. I am so glad to feel settled here and to be getting our home ready with the plan to be living in it for years to come.
Seth and I are going on a trip to SC in 13 days. Just the two of us. For a week. He has to be there for work, but we are going a little early to visit with friends and spend a couple days at the beach. I don't know the last time we've done something like this and we've never left our kids for this long before! I'm a little nervous, but I know they will be fine.
So, in a nutshell that is life right now. Nothing to out of the ordinary, nothing to blogworthy. I've been horrible at taking pictures of anything, but I hope that once again I'll get back in the groove of blogging and documenting our life. I would hate for our 3rd child to miss out on all the fun.
So, I'm 30 weeks+ pregnant now (picture taken a week ago).
And, apparently, the whole world thinks this baby is coming any day and wants to tell me about it. :)
As far as pregnancy goes, I've had more rough weeks than smooth ones, but (knock on wood) things have been going pretty well the last week. I am having more energy (thanks to extra iron), my heart palpitations that were consistent for about 2 weeks are gone, the baby has moved from her nice little spot on my cervix (PRAISE JESUS!), and I am still sleeping somewhat. Now, bending over, picking up children, and chasing 2.5 year olds are not among my favorite activities, but I can't complain too much. I've been walking at least 4 times a week for about 45 minutes and that has really helped out my overall energy.
The kids are keeping me busy as ever. Our backyard is the hub of the neighborhood and we often have a crowd of kids in and out all evening. Our kids are loving the nice weather for playing outside and I am very grateful for our house and fenced in yard (also our swing set and trampoline).
We are trying to get some bedrooms painted and organization of our office accomplished before the baby arrives. I feel like I'm in constant "project mode", but love the feeling of checking things off my list. I don't think I've ever been quite as prepared for a baby before (not there yet, but where I plan to be by the time she arrives). Nora's arrival was in the middle of packing to move across the country, so things were in absolute disarray and chaotic for those first few weeks. I am so glad to feel settled here and to be getting our home ready with the plan to be living in it for years to come.
Seth and I are going on a trip to SC in 13 days. Just the two of us. For a week. He has to be there for work, but we are going a little early to visit with friends and spend a couple days at the beach. I don't know the last time we've done something like this and we've never left our kids for this long before! I'm a little nervous, but I know they will be fine.
So, in a nutshell that is life right now. Nothing to out of the ordinary, nothing to blogworthy. I've been horrible at taking pictures of anything, but I hope that once again I'll get back in the groove of blogging and documenting our life. I would hate for our 3rd child to miss out on all the fun.
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