Reality Check.

Sometimes I go back and read my past entries and smile, thinking to myself how lovely everything seems (except for those random Ican'tstandmychildanylonger posts).

The reality with me is this...

I have so far to come in learning to trust the Lord. And, I really stink at it most days.

The biggest thing going on in life besides the fact that I am still not getting consistent sleep at night is the fact that our house has still NOT SOLD. Nada, nothing, blah, blah, blah. This is the greatest frustration of my daily life.

Now, I have wavered back and forth between feeling hopeful, trusting, and confident in the Lord's provision regardless the outcome.....and feeling mad, frustrated, and absolutely hopeless. If it is not one extreme it seems to be the other.

You see folks...this decision to move was HUGE for us. It was also not easily made. We were kinda stuck financially and the promotion was really great...but the move was the controversial issue.

So, here we sit. 7 months later. We moved here and I just knew that God would provide a buyer soon after....but nope, that didn't happen. And, I don't handle things well when they don't go according to the plan...you know, the plan, the one that I have for my life. Can't God just do what I want? I mean, come one now, it seems perfectly reasonable... Wouldn't He want to remove this HUGE stressor? We have been struggling as we pay both a mortgage and rent, have one car, live in a small apartment that we obviously have outgrown... BUT that really doesn't matter.

The fact that the house selling pretty much allows me to feel like I can't start living my life here, does not mean that I can't start living, growing, and learning what God wants me too. I hate feeling stuck, but I've allowed myself to get really stuck. Because I feel stuck financially, and out of control because of the huge unknown of the house situation, I feel like I am stuck between a mountain and mountain and have thrown up my hands and started to wallow in self-pity.

REALITY CHECK.

My life might be made a whole ton of a lot simpler if the house sells. We may just be able to make future decision regarding a car, what to do when our lease is up in a couple months, preschool etc...We also might feel a LOT more freedom financially.

These are not Kingdom things. These are temporal. They have no weight in eternity. But, I am so caught up in them at times, I can't seem to get my head straight.

And then I hear about my friend's 4 month old baby that has cancer, or see the devastation of tornadoes, or hear about house fires....and I know my situation is lovely in comparison. I can deal with this. I can respond to the Lord and focus on TODAY. I don't need to constantly wonder and worry about tomorrow. I don't need to know the when. Abraham waited years for God's promise of a son. But God always makes good on His promises.

Well, there's my little soapbox...

Just needed to preach to myself a little bit there.