For lack of energy

I find that by the time Friday hits us on the weeks that Seth is in class, I am near meltdown status. I just want to have him home and I am exhausted from taking care of Aidan 24/7. This week was even more challenging, because with the time change, I moved Aidan's bedtime back an hour. It has been so much harder to fill the evenings and get him to bed with some form of sanity left. All that....and I am still just recovering from the worst cold of my life.

So tonight, I was ready to lose it. The tears were nearly there...the frustration, the tiredness...

Aidan spilled his smoothie on the table and smeared it around and I yelled at him. Yes, I did. I am not proud of that fact, but it's true. It was the only thing I felt like doing at the moment. I then apologized, but explained my expectations for his behavior from then on. Inside I was near going over the edge.

Then, Seth's parents dropped by and we ended up going to McDonalds for ice cream. Although Aidan didn't really eat any dinner, and rarely has ice cream, and might just still be getting over a cold, I just let go. I find that when I have lost all energy, I give in to something entirely different than my logical mommy brain tells me. And, you know what? It probably won't kill us either. We ate ice cream. Aidan played on the filthy playground. We came home, washed off, got in pj's and he collapsed into bed snuggling with his blanket and sippy cup.

I sighed. Relieved that my parenting duties were over for the time being. Still tired. Still have dishes to do and lots of picking up around my house. But, tomorrow is Saturday...and even though Seth has class all day, I will survive.

No real reason

This post is absolutely undirected. I have nothing specific to say other than I have been very, very sick and it has completely kept me from feeling alive for the past several days. I am hoping that I am on the road to recovery, but still not doing great yet.

I am 13 weeks pregnant today. I can't believe how fast time has flown. The baby belly is definitely sticking out there a little bit and is much higher than it was with Aidan. I had a good visit with my midwife last week and got to hear the little one's heartbeat. I've only gained 1 pound so far which is absolutely great because I tend to gain a ton of weight in my second trimester.

Aidan is doing the funniest things as always and I can't believe he'll be 2 in just a couple weeks. Wow! He is talking more and more every day. He was looking through the clothes in my closet the other day and started saying, "tute, tute" (cute) as he touched my shirts. I don't even know where he learns these things! The very best thing he recently said was " I love you, ma-ma" one night when I was feeling very yucky and lying in bed. I nearly started crying.

I am trying to get things in order here at the house. Seth is in class this week, my brother and his family are coming up to visit Thurs.-Sun.,  and we are keeping some JBU choir students on Saturday night. I am going to be busy these nights with Seth gone.

And right now, I am going to go take a nap while I can. I didn't have Oakley today and Aidan's sleeping, so I am taking advantage of the quiet house.

23 months

My sweet little Aidan,

You are growing by leaps and bounds these days and I am enjoying your emerging independence these days. I would have to say that the most impressive thing that you have done this month is add to your vocabulary in a significant way. You are starting to put words together and say things without any prompting or help. You love to try out new words. Some of my favorite things you say right now are: "hi bird", "I toot" (I'm cute), "yeh-wo" (yellow), "heh-wo" (hello), "hand duh-ty" (hand dirty), "hot", "cold", "warm", and "hi ma-ma". You say so many funny things I am constantly laughing at you. Tonight, you told me "bun eyes peese" which let me know that the sun was in your eyes and you wanted me to please close the blinds.
You are so happy that the weather is getting warmer these days and you really enjoyed your sandbox today. You tracked sand in all over the house, but it was so worth it to see your smiles.
You are eating much better this month, after you suffered another nasty ear infection and cold. You gained 2 pounds in just 2 weeks. I think you must be growing. You really love to eat sweet potato fries and you tried sloppy joes for the first time last night, thinking they were "burbers" (burgers). You are eating more veggies and had a good amount of zucchini tonight, your all-time favorite. I am so happy that you are eating better and you seem much happier because of it too.
You are still working on those 2 year molars and I think it will be awhile until they poke all the way through. You hate if I touch your sore gums and you don't like it when I brush your teeth back there.
You still love Elmo and want to watch Elmo's World almost every day. You would watch tv all day if I let you. You are also really into the show Super Why that comes on KCPT kids network. You ask for it every morning and you seem to really be learning a lot more about your letters from it too.
You still sleep like a champ and you were sleeping about 13 hours a night for awhile and taking 3 hour naps. Since you were sick, you went to 12 hour nights and sometimes only 1.5 hours for a nap. I know that it will continue to fluctuate as you get these teeth in, but I can't complain cause you really do great and you love going to bed.
Some things you really love right now are:
-playing the piano and having us clap for you
-dancing and singing on the stage at church
-playing with your microphone
-playing in the car and being outside
-baking with Mommy
-going to the store
-being with grandparents
-brushing your teeth while sitting on the sink

You really love to go places and you have started saying, "no home" if you think we are going in that direction. You just really love to be out and about and are not a homebody  in the least. You listened to your "happy birthday" cd today 3 times in a row and spent the time lying down with your blankie on the couch and also playing some of your musical instruments.
You are really starting to understand how to obey better and you also are learning how to share and to love on others. You love for me to hold you and you are definitely a Momma's boy. You also like for us to kiss you when you hurt yourself. You have started putting your fingers to my mouth and making kissing noises. When I ask if you need a kiss, you say, "yeah" (another absolutely cute and new thing you do). You are great playing with other kids in the nursery, but so thrilled to see me when I pick you up.  You shout my name and come running to me. I melt every time.
You have started playing really well with Oakley, although you can be a little too rough sometimes. It is cute to see how you two interact and I am so excited to see how you are with your new sibling. I love the way you talk in a baby voice to Oakley and pat him gently when he is crying. You have started to pretend you are a baby at times though and I do not like that. You most like to mimic the crying and fussing and even today you were lying on your stomach next to Oakley and fussing. So cute and so annoying at the same time!
You are still not anywhere near potty trained and you have seemed to have lost interest in the potty for now. You do love to sing the "bye bye pee, bye bye poop" song all the time and you also are able to tell when you have gone to the bathroom in your diaper. I am going to start hardcore training you in a few months.
I know there are so many more things about you that I don't want to forget and I can't believe you are almost 2 years old. It seems like time has just been flying by and you are my little boy now and not a baby anymore. I love getting to know you better and I am so excited to see how you grow and mature. I love your sensitivity to prayer and how your hold your hands up in worship. You definitely sense something about the Lord, even though you are still to young to understand much. I am so excited to teach you about God as you grow up.
Aidan, I am so proud of who you are becoming and so blessed and honored to be your mother. You truly light up my life and I couldn't imagine it without you.

I love you bubby,

Ma-ma

In a fog

I guess I have been in a blog fog. :) I have been meaning to write on here about a million times, but there are so many things that kept getting in the way.

Aidan had another ear infection, the sickness was worse than ever, I was tired, Seth was gone, and life just kept passing me by.

I am 11 weeks pregnant today. Feeling somewhat better pregnancy-wise. I even have felt the baby move already. However, I think I am coming down with some sort of sickness because I just feel crummy today.

Aidan is growing up quickly and talking like crazy. He is also pushing all the limits, getting his 2 year molars (very slowly and painfully) and not napping very well. He still just makes me laugh and smile a lot though...even through my exhaustion.

Seth is on week 2 of being gone every night. He will have a week off after he finishes this week and a full day on Saturday. I am ready for him to be home for a long stretch. It is hard only having him home for a quick hour or so a day. It is hard to get dinner ready and two little ones settled down enough to enjoy that time with him. So happy that he is enjoying his classes though.

I know it may seem like I have a lot of complaining to do. Honestly, that is what I feel like doing a lot. However, I am really trying to push past the feelings I have and really see what there is to be thankful for.

The car needed some work today and we spent some money we weren't planning to, but I am so thankful that I have a car to drive and that I can get out and about when I need to....even if it is a huge hassle to haul two babies around.

I am also so thankful for running water, a comfy bed, a child who is relatively healthy, another precious life being formed in my belly, and that God's grace is sufficient.

To be perfectly honest...I am thankful, but I do need some major encouragement right now. I don't know if it is the pregnancy hormones or what, but I feel a little worn and overwhelmed. I know the right attitude to have and I know that God is taking care of me...I just feel like I am going to fall apart at times.

A little bit of obedience

It is a well known fact that Aidan has always been a little bit of a spitfire. Maybe because his name means "little fire." Or maybe just because he comes from two somewhat determined personalities. Whatever the cause, it is something to be reckoned with on a very daily basis.
As Aidan struggled through the toddler months of 15-20, he was tempestuous. He lived for tantrums and nothing could be better communicated than screaming and flailing at full force. I just pulled my hair out and tried different remedies for discipline.
I wanted Aidan to be one of those compliant children that didn't need a whole lot of convincing to please his parents. I see these children all the time, and I admire them...not their parents. For after the experiences I've had with my own child, I can definitely say that in a lot of circumstances, it's the child...not the parents. While there are many cases to disprove my point, especially in a more secular society, let's just say I mean this for the Christian parents, the parents that are trying desperately to raise a child to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the correction that follows.
I have felt many times that my child's actions are a direct reflection of bad parenting or inexperience. And while some of it may be the latter, I believe that my intentions and directions are pure and my  motives and efforts are not waning. I am consistent as possible. I am reading. I am praying. And yet, I struggle.
Recently, I have found a new method of training that has finally seemed to work for my stubborn minded child. "Ah-bey" is the simple word that changed it all. Once I got Aidan to understand and repeat the word "obey", it was like I caught him and convicted him of his naughtiness. We talk about obedience a lot in this household and now we know we can expect more from him. When I need Aidan to obey me, listen to me, or whatever, I get him to say "obey" and somehow he changes. He wants to obey. He feels capable and I have made him feel so.
Now, this doesn't work perfectly every time, but it has definitely changed things dramatically in our household. I know that again, this will change and we will come into a better realm of communication that will equip us with more tools for discipline. But for now... it is all about "obey."

22 months

Dear Aidan,

Today you are 22 months old and it is so hard for me to believe how grown up you are becoming. This is not the best or most recent picture of you, but it seems that we have really been slacking in that department lately, so it will have to do.
You are so silly and sweet these days and even though we had a couple rough weeks of sickness this month, and another ear infection, you have come out of it with such a happy and content spirit about you.
You are constantly repeating us these days and some of my new favorite words you say are: helicopter, avacado, and ambulance. You have a great vocabulary, but still struggle to put words together. You want to communicate about everything and still jabber on to us constantly.
I love the way you are so aware of your surroundings and how you notice landmarks when we drive around. You have a little routine with noticing the library and then McDonalds right after that and then when we turn towards home and it is naptime or bedtime, you always start saying "night night." I love the fact that you can fuss and whine all day and seem to need me every minute and then lay in the laundry basket with your blanket for 45 minutes. You now believe that you are supposed to stand in shopping carts since your Daddy started that whole thing with you, but you are so good at the store, just standing and holding on. We do have to watch you carefully though because you are amazing with child-proof bottles and you like to play with the eggs when we aren't looking.
Aidan, you are an extremely picky eater and I just can't seem to get you to try new things. It just baffles me some days. However, you eat pretty well when distracted with Elmo, the love of your life.
You watch way too much t.v. these days, but I am busy growing your baby brother or sister and that process just takes the life out of me. Speaking of which, you are going to be a great big brother. You absolutely love Oakley and I think that even though watching him every day can be tough on me, it has really prepared you for what lies ahead. You are so aware of how to be gentle and you love to play peek-a-boo and make him laugh. I can't wait to see how you respond to your own sibling.
You are still an incredible sleeper and I am so blessed. You sleep well over 12 hours a night...more like 13 and still manage to take a good nap most days (2-3 hours). Right now, you have been sleeping for 2 1/2 hours and I haven't heard a peep. I love it!
You are handling things well with Daddy being gone in the evenings and you seem to sense that Mommy is not feeling well right now. You have been especially sweet at times and it has really ministered to me.
You are becoming much more obedient and I can trust you so much more than before. Your new word is "obey" and once we get you to say it, you are stuck with following through. You so want to obey us, even if you do love to push our buttons. I am so grateful that you are listening better and trying harder to follow commands. You seem to really respond when we treat your feelings with respect and it has been a positive change this month.
I could go on and on about you and all the cute little things you do. I am so glad I am your mom and can't believe that this little one in my belly is going to be another wonderful being to enjoy as I have you.

I love you dearly,

Mom (your new word for me)

Perfect Timing

Seth started back at school this week. He has night classes from 6-10:30 Mon-Sat. He does this for two weeks straight and then has two weeks off, and then starts up again with one week on, one week off. The program is 5 months long, but intense.

So far, we are on day 3 of school and I am feeling pretty good about it all. I was worried that I would feel so lonely and it would be so difficult, but I have little to complain about. It has also only be 2 nights without him so far, but it has given me a good glimpse into what most nights will look like here.

Luckily, the babies are feeling much better and Aidan has been so happy in the evenings, that I haven't really had many issues with that side of things. I am still feeling pretty crummy all around, but I have mustered up enough strength to get Aidan to bed, clean up the kitchen, watch a little tv, and then collapse into bed.

Even though this particular part of pregnancy can be pretty exhausting, I am happy that I am so inclined to sleep right now because that way I don't miss Seth as much. I am in bed around 9 and don't even hear him come home. Now, I miss seeing him and all, but at least I am not trying to fill the whole time with activities. Instead of feeling lonely, I just sleep the time away. :)

I know that somewhere along the way, I will feel the opposite about this situation, but starting out positive sounds like a good plan to me.

Oh and by the way, I am in my 8th week of pregnancy. Baby is due around Sept. 20th. We are excited and I am thrilled to be due in Sept. because I had really hoped to plan it out that way. It just happened to work out! Once I get through the icky first trimester, I know I will feel even more excited. It is am amazing thing!