Catching Up

Life is so busy these days and I feel like I'm running on autopilot. I never have enough time to get everything done in a day that I want or even really need to do. But, I'm learning to let go more and more and accept that things will not be perfect.

This bubbly sweet little peanut will be 3 months old in a week! It's flying by and I have been feeling melancholy about it. I really don't desire to be pregnant again, but I'm also not ready to be experiencing my "last" baby yet. I know that ultimately God will have to show me what He desires for our family and I need to just rest in that and enjoy the sweet innocence a baby brings. This picture was actually one of her first smiles I caught on camera at around 5 weeks old. She smiles all the time now and is even on the verge of giggling.

These 3 cutie pies all lined up just melt my heart. My sister's little miracle twin baby boys are exactly 3 months older than Enna. The funny thing is that she is catching up to them fast! She is not quite as big as Lane (on the right), but has surpassed Eli (left).

Right before Enna was 2 months old we flew to PA for my cousin's wedding and Grandma's 80th birthday. It was a sweet time with family...potentially one of the most memorable times I've ever had there (and there have been many!). My grandma is one of the strongest women you'd ever meet. She amazes me time and again. It was wonderful to see her and have her meet Enna.

We've been trying to get out for walks most evenings to savor the nice Fall-ish weather and also to soak up the last bit of sunlight before the time changes and the darkness of winter comes upon us (can you tell I'm excited?). Enna likes her stroller and looking at all the trees. The older two either run or ride bikes. It's a great way to end the day!

The other thing that Enna loves right now is getting a bath. She can be fussy and then I plop her in the warm water and she just gets all calm and full of smiles. I love her sweet little rolls!

It's a Hard Knock Life...

...for Nora, that is. :)

Poor thing keeps falling asleep in random places at random times, but NOT in her bed and NOT during quiet time. Quiet time is really anything but quiet these days. And yes, she wears clothes, but had spilled water on them, had a huge screaming fit about it, took them off, and then huffed up the stairs...I guess she didn't quite make it. :)

Moments of "Normal"

The other night we went on a walk as a family. It was a perfect cool evening, giving us a glimpse of fall weather. Enna wasn't screaming in the stroller. It was lovely.

When we came to the park the older two ran to the swings and I ran with them, pushing them and giving underdogs. As I ran, and pushed, and laughed...I felt some normal creeping in.

When you've been in a season of life where your whole body is consumed with growing another little person, and this process makes you sick, tired, and cumbersome, you forget...you forget what it is to run and play and enjoy the pushing of the swings.

I took a picture to remind myself that there are moments of "normal." They come and go these days.

He Giveth More Grace

Oh to live life in a way that I could fully embrace and understand grace!

This 3 kid gig has been stretching me in ways that I had not quite imagined. I find myself needing an extra hand or two, but having to do with what I've got instead. :)

There have been times of desperate brokenness, a feeling like I can't do one more thing for one more person, and a pouring out of myself to such a degree that I hardly recognize who I am. Sounds a little extreme, I know, but that is where I've found myself at times.

One night, after having spent most of the day holding a screaming baby, cleaning up potty accidents, and disciplining my oldest, I fell to my knees in my bedroom, lifted my arms in surrender, and just asked the Lord (in my very desperate voice) to please help me. I didn't even know how I wanted Him to do it, just to HELP in any way. This became my cry for days on end as we struggled through some very tough weeks with everyone.

In the midst of it all, I found my prayers were changing. They were more like "Lord, change me...help me to love, help me to be thankful..." instead of "Please help this baby to stop crying and go to sleep,"  and "Please help my children to stop doing things to hurt each other!" I saw a softening of my heart that I had not felt in awhile. I was embracing them even when I didn't feel like it, thanking God for them when they were driving me to utter madness, and loving them even when they were throwing themselves on the floor and screaming about everything I was doing to ruin their lives.

I found that speaking things regardless of my feelings helped me even more. I would smile and say, "Do you know that Mommy loves you so much?" when my middle child was crying for the thousandth time about something silly. I would tell them that they were God's gifts to me so that I could remember it and treat them like it, instead of acting like they were nuisances in my life. And even though I still felt poured out in every way, I was able to actually receive the grace that was waiting there for me.

Now, I haven't been doing this perfectly and there are days that I react wrongly, that I forget their value, and I lose it over something small. Then, I laugh a little and think that God must see me as a tantrum throwing 3 year old sometimes...and how embarrassing that must be for me even though I don't see it. Yet, He loves me through the roller coaster of it all.

A couple weeks ago I went to Pennsylvania to visit my mom's side of the family for my cousin's wedding and Grandma's 80th birthday. While we were there we had this wonderful time singing hymns together. My aunt had printed out some copies of one of my Grandma's favorites, one I had never heard before. As they sang, tears were starting to fill my eyes as I realized that this song was for me. I brought home the words so I could read them again.

He Giveth More Grace

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials he multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and they load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Enna- 2 month letter

Enna,

You are actually 10 weeks old today and Mama is way behind on blogging due to the fun you have brought to our everyday life. :)

You have mellowed out some in the past month. You are smiling all the time now and love to be talked to. You definitely get A LOT of attention around here--sometimes too much for you to handle. You are the most smiley and talkative in the early morning and when you get your diaper changed.

You started sleeping longer hours in the night when I took you to PA this month for my cousin's wedding/Grandma's birthday. You traveled well on the plane, but HATED the car ride from Philadelphia to where we were staying. Most car rides were rather screamy, but you learned a little flexibility while we were there. You have tolerated the car much better in the past 2 weeks.

Now that you are only waking about once a night, I am starting to feel more rested, but look forward to a full night's sleep happening in the next few months. You are not easy to wake for a dream feed, so your longest stretch is usually from 7-8 pm until 3-4am. I wish you would start that stretch at 10 or 11, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen.

You love to be outside and like taking walks in the stroller as long as you don't have to be in your carseat. You like baths and your bouncy seat. And, you stay pretty content sometimes just lying on your back on the bed looking around.

You are super alert and have great head control which is something that people notice right away. You are soaking up the world around you and wanting so much to interact with it. I think that is probably why you struggle to nap during the day sometimes.

You are sleeping in your room all the time now and sleep on your tummy. You like to suck on your fist and pacifier to sleep. You don't put yourself to sleep very well, but prefer to be rocked or held. You also like to have your bottom patted. You are finally letting me sit when holding you when you are tired, so that is an improvement. There has been a lot less crying/screaming in our days and that makes me very grateful. You also love to sleep in the baby carrier. If you are having a rough day I strap you in there and you usually go right to sleep.

We are enjoying you so much. I sometimes feel sad that I don't always have as much time to spend loving on you, but I think you don't mind too much.

Love,

Mama

You weighed 11 lbs. 9 oz. and were 23 in. long at your 2 month checkup. That puts you in the 50th percentile for weight and 70th for height.

Nora's 3rd Birthday

Nora's birthday was on September 10th, but we celebrated a few days early with our family by going to the Old Settler's Day Parade and then going back to our house for a light lunch and cake. It was fun little time and we enjoyed celebrating Nora.

The kids loved the parade and enjoyed sitting by the curb. The rest of us sat under the shade of a tree.

Enna did great and slept pretty much the whole time!

I made this birthday banner the night before. I cut the letters out with scrapbook paper and then glued them onto card stock and strung it up with twine. I hope to use it for years to come. 

Nora requested a heart cake with pink icing and sprinkles. I saw something similar on Pinterest, so I gave it a shot. 

Nora: 3 year letter

Nora Cadence,

My sweet big girl! I feel like you have suddenly grown up overnight and I hardly recognize this little person you are becoming. When did you stop being my little baby?

You are such a fun person to be around. You are so full of life and personality and I love the things that make you so uniquely you.

You love to play, and play, and play. You spend hours and hours in your own imaginary little world. You love to play with your little princesses and little dollhouse people, but you also play with lots of other things: Aidan's castle men, pirate figures, animals, food etc... You love to play that your food is talking...especially things like cookies and grapes, but I've even caught you having conversations with two pieces of grated cheese. Your imagination is endless! You still very much like to play on your belly, but your new spot for playing is the kitchen table. You line everything up and sit there for hours. You also love playing with Aidan and you both have started really relating well in the past couple of months.

You are a free spirit. You don't mind your hair being wild and in your face. You love to pick out your clothes. You take off your clothes at all hours of the day and walk around in just your undies. You make messes. You laugh with your head flung back. You sing at the top of your lungs.

One thing that I especially see in you is a love for music. You catch on to songs quickly and have started singing along to Audrey Assad (your current favorite music!). You say, "Oh, that's my song!" or request different songs to listen to and immediately belt it out when you know the words. You are not a quiet singer, but you stay pretty well in tune and sing loudly and confidently. It makes us all stop and listen to you.

You don't really care to learn things from me. You have no interest in learning your letters or doing any type of formal "school." You do tell me you want to go to school, but you don't want me to teach you anything right now. I think I was a lot like that when I was a little girl too.

You are still very affectionate and sweet. You love to be held, to cuddle and to hold your fleecy blankets. You suck on your tongue as a comfort measure, but I am hoping you will break that habit eventually. The other day you were having a rough time after your nap and you came to the couch to sit with me. I cuddled you up in my arms and held you for a little while. Eventually you got up and I said, "Thanks for sitting with me." You turned and said, "Thanks for cuddling." Hands down one of the best mom moments of my life!

Nora, I can't wait to see what the next years of your life hold. You are so much fun and I am so very blessed to be your mother.

Happy 3 years!

Mama