The Dirt In Me.

I've been shoveling dirt into a place in my soul that is reserved for joy. Want to know how?

The house has not sold yet and ohmygoodness we are going to have to pay for the mortgage and the rent and blahblahblah and those numbers just don't add up and we don't even have money to pay the deficit of what that means.... HUGE PILE OF DIRT

I really am sick of having one car and a little car to be exact because it is so uncomfortable and the carseats smoosh against the front seats and our legs are cramped and I can't even go anywhere anyway during the day because Seth has the car and if I run out of diapers then I will just have to put kleenex in some underwear....HUGE PILE OF DIRT

I really hate being on the second floor in an apartment because it is a pain in the behind to lug strollers outside and then back in and then not have a place to let the tires dry when they get gunk on them from the trail and I just hate being in a small apartment anyway because it is just so cramped and our baby is sleeping in the kitchen and now that I am thinking about sleep I am never getting any anyway because both of my kids are up at night and it makes me even more mad about being on the 2nd floor....HUGE PILE OF DIRT

I really wish I could get some new clothes and not worry about spending any money and look cute and not wear things with holes in them or wear jeans that don't fit and don't fit because I've had babies and that has messed with my ability to wear things in my closet and I really wish I could look like so and so because then I would feel better about myself...HUGE PILE OF DIRT

Is that enough?

On Sunday, our pastor talked about the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness,unlike joy is not a constant, it is an ebb and flow based on circumstantial facts. Happiness changes by day and threatens our contentment. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, the evidence of a Savior in our lives. Joy does not change by daily circumstances. Joy is from the Father. Joy tells me that all the dirt in the world isn't too big for God and that it sincerely doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Those are feelings. They will change. My joy is in God, in His transformation of my heart.

Am I learning anything?

Well, today I told Aidan he needed to be grateful for the food I gave him for lunch because other people don't even have food and they don't get the choice to be picky. I think I'm gonna take my own advice and start giving thanks for what I do have.

Life is not always going to bring me happiness, but I won't let it rob me of my joy.

This is me, being real....and funny thing is, I had planned to write this before I read this post about honesty in blogging by Jami. Check her out!