Yesterday, Aidan wanted to "help" me give Nora a bath. He ended up pouring tons of water on her which she tolerated quite well. I think she puts up with a lot from him, which is good, because it will probably be that way for most of her life. :)
I've had two very busy days of cleaning up blowout diapers (from both children) and projectile spit-up. There are still boxes needing to be dealt with and clutter that needs to find a place. Aidan is thrilled that he can now reach almost every light switch and open every door. I am exhausted. Nora has decided to stay up and party after her 10:30pm feeding and I haven't made it to bed before midnight. Then, there is the middle of the night feeding around 4ish and I can't seem to get back to sleep after that. Seth's alarm went off at 6am and I felt like I had barely slept. Headaches and tiredness do not help me be gracious towards my children either. Yesterday, I was able to grit my teeth and deal with things peacefully....today, I have wanted to hide under a barrel and wait til my frustration subsides. No can do. I feel guilty for letting Aidan watch Robin Hood for the second half of this morning and lunchtime (he is doing so as I speak). Nora would not nap for some reason and wanted to fuss and cry about it all morning. Aidan was dumping things out, pushing things over, and being downright naughty and emotional because of the attention I was giving her. I lost it a couple of times with him and decided that some days are just meant for sitting in front of the tv. Nora is finally sleeping. I don't understand how she can scream until she is red in the face and then fall asleep within 5 seconds (no joke) of me picking her up.....like dead asleep. I don't get it.
So, on top of all this tiredness and craziness...and being cooped up in our aparement with nowhere to go, I left the kids alone for like one minute this morning so I could get dressed for the day. Nora was playing on her playmat and Aidan was busy with a toy, so I ran into my bedroom, left the door open and threw on some clothes. When I came out. Aidan was on the floor with Nora on his lap. She wasn't crying, just looking around. I didn't even want to imagine how he managed that. Before I could come to her rescue, Aidan pulled his shirt up and pulled her to him as if to nurse her. He seriously thought he could feed her. I guess she wasn't injured in any way, but I felt like a horrible mother for leaving them and thinking that they would be fine. At least he wasn't sitting on her or something like that, but trying to take care of her needs.
Well, I need to go and get my child to bed. Oh, the guilt, oh the joy, oh the frustration, oh the weariness, oh the reward....of motherhood.
You are the farthest thing from a horrible mother!! So don't think that thought again! Let me tell you, when I was 2 yrs old my little brother was born (we were 2 years and 2 weeks apart). When he was only a few weeks old, I tried to carry him from the living room to my mom, who was in the bathroom which was through the kitchen! I carried him the whole way...basically in a chock hold, if you can imagine. I'm sure Nora wasn't hurt in anyway! :) And don't forget, you are a fantastic mommy to those lucky kiddos!!
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